Ben Shapiro: Why I’m voting Democrat

This is great sarcasm at the expense of Democrats….from Ben Sharpiro at

Full text in link above – Excerpt here – my additions further below:

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that the best strategy in war is defeat. It broadens the mind to learn Japanese, German and Arabic. Talk about multiculturalism!

I’m voting Democrat because I’m mad that George W. Bush hasn’t caught Bin Laden. That’s because Bin Laden is the only Islamic terrorist in the world.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that if I don’t have enough money, the solution is for the government to take more of my money. Who needs money when gas is $5 per gallon?

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that the ideal family is two homosexual bonobos, a goat and a parrot raising a human baby. Love and compassion is all it takes to make a successful family!

I’m voting Democrat because it’s my body, and if I want to kill my baby, I’ll do it, even if its head is in the birth canal. If I want to cut out my intestines and feed them to the crocodiles, I’ll do that too. That’s the freedom our forefathers enshrined in the Constitution.

I’m voting Democrat because our enemies on the battlefield deserve comfy hotel rooms, Pay-Per-View, prostitutes and all the benefits of American citizenship.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe we need other countries’ permission for me to turn down my thermostat.

I’m voting Democrat because I care about the real victims of crime — criminals.

I’m voting Democrat because the real cure for racism includes preferential policies based on race — particularly in presidential voting. If you believe that a black candidate ought to be qualified, as well as black, you’re worse than Bull Conner.

I’m voting Democrat because everyone deserves crappy healthcare. Sure, you’ll have to wait years for that life-saving cancer surgery. But it’s first come, first served at the cemetery!

I’m voting Democrat because I believe in minority rights (except in Muslim countries), free speech (with regard to pornography but not conservative talk radio), environmentalism (unless we’re talking about Al Gore’s house) and diplomacy (but never backed by the threat of military force).

I’m voting Democrat because I like the words “hope” and “change.” Also “kazoo.” That’s a funny word.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that America’s founders were rich, white, greedy xenophobes, and that America’s founding principles are hogwash requiring periodic editing from an unelected group of liberal judges.

Most of all, I’m voting Democrat because I like the ideas they have over in France, but I don’t feel like moving there. I’ll threaten to move, but I really won’t. After all, I have a good job, healthcare, lower taxes, free speech and a social framework that promotes family structure. And all of it is defended by the most effective fighting force on the planet.

If only the institution of far-left values resulted in a great country. Oh, well. That won’t stop me from voting Democrat, though. After all, I’m voting Democrat because thought isn’t one of my strong suits.

In the same spirit as Ben, I add my own reasons for voting Democrat:

I’m voting Democrat because schools are no place for learning.  I’ve always been a fan of indoctrination.  Who needs to learn about God when you can learn to respect those who praise Muhammad, or about condoms on cucumbers, or how leaving a light on will damage 2 square feet of the Rain Forest!  Now those things are crucial to the development of my child.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe that you have every right to protest and speak your mind as long it falls in line with what Democrats believe in:  homosexuality is pure and natural, same-sex marriage is about love, war is always bad, global warming is proven science, and the founders of our country were racists.

I’m voting Democrat for Obama because I believe:

  • that Obama’s admission to doing drugs in the past is a non-issue, however any Republican who has ever “slurped the evil suds” needs to be scutinized and demonized in the media.
  • that Obama’s pastor is a poster child for true Christianity and an example of God’s love for others.
  • that Obama’s skin color and ability to read a teleprompter are just the strengths we need to fight terrorism, temper Ahmadinejad, settle racial divides, and maintain a strong economy.
  • that a candidate’s wife who isn’t proud of her country is the perfect symbol for our country the next 4-8 years.  After all, we are a racist, selfish, bigoted, greedy, nasty country, you know.
  • that Obama’s strong ties and relationship to domestic terrorists Ayers and Dohrn give him the background needed to appease terrorists across the globe. (Besides Ayers throws a great fund raising party!)

I’m sure I will think of so many more reasons to vote Democrat as the election season rolls on….they have so much to offer (if you are a terrorist, racist, lazy, whiny, gay, Feminazi, America-hater, that is!)


2 Responses

  1. This is too funny…..and sad that it is true.

  2. Great post. I agree with most of what you said here (although I am all for gay marriage). Everything else is spot on. Way to go.

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